You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
