the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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