First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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