so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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