So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
