you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
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I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
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