i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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