so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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