i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
