I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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