just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
