my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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