Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
