Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
