My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
