I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
