Kiss
Puke
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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