All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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