my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
