Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
