im drinking this country out of the recession.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
