I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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