she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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