Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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