He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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