You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
