Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
