1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
