In the future we'll all be gay
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
