u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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