Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
