sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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