We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
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I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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