I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize