How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
