Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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