He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
