Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
