I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize