i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
