dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize