i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
