Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
