You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
BRING THE BAGELS
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
