You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
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My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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