the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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