Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
