A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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