dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize