If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Boobs speak an international language.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
