He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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