Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize