tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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