By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
