Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
