sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
