Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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