Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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