i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize