Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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