Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
