I am spending my child support on dildos
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
