I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
