I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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