Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
