i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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