when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
