I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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