Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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