i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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