You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
