Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
