the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
