I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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