Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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