Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
