Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
